toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
