My friends, they love my intelligence
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
