It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
