I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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