Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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