I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
