Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
