I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
