ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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