how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
