I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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