i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
