You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
