I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
