Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
either way he was missing a nipple.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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