just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
