WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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