Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
