Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
