So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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