Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
