Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
