so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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