Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
