I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
