apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
