At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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