i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
