wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
