I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
