She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
