he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
