You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
