just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
