It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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