I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
