??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
