can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
