it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
