im drinking this country out of the recession.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
