Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
