just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize