She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I need moral support for this bender
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
