i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
