You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
