I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
