Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
please come you make the beer taste better
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
