you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
