just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
