Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
