I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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