in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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