Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
