He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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