My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
