If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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