getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
