My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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